NYCrainbow6

In the dark, I can taste my fear. Feel the bumps on my skin awake. The ground, trembling beneath me. I am counting my breaths. One, two, three. Am I alive? The metal of the barrel is cold against my burning flesh. Be not afraid of death, those are the cruel words she taunts. Be not afraid of death, One, two, three. The gun slides to my stomach, anger forcing her to push it closer. Am I closer to death? One, two, three. He is not there. She likes it that way. She might have even pulled the trigger. I feel no pain, for death is no longer my fear. I fear disappointing him, I fear I was not strong enough to run away. He is mine, he is mine

One breath. Pulse. Memory. HIM. Faces, smells, warmth. Breathe out. HIM. Marine. Guns. Passion, hate. Love me. Love me not. Together, apart. Breathe in. HIM. Gone.

Alone. I've never felt this alone before. Not when I've finally accepted who I am. Not when I've made so many friends. I feel it pushing through my heart, through my very existence. The worst kind of pain, The kind you can't fix. The kind you have to hide. It's crushing me down until I've become a mere shadow of who I was. They tell me this isn't who I am, But do they know what I know? Can they feel what I feel? No one think I can crack and break my heart is too pure, my strength a fortress. But they don't know the battles I've fought. They never will. But being alone isn't so bad, No one has to see me cry, No one has to feel my pain, The

so here it is layed out for you every word that I need to say. remember when, we used to be friends? every word was a treasure to me. You gave me a reason to wake up every day. It seemed like everything was perfect don't know why it changed but when it did it was like our candle had burned out. Thought we were close, guess i was wrong and now that you're gone all i can think about is the empty silence you used to fill I was your shadow, your go to gal pretty sure you meant the world to me and now you're gone. I can't even talk to you, can't even tell you how it is, I can't stand the space between us, can't stand t